Proof Reads

 By Rob Currie

My friend Natalie introduced me to a lot of things: bread and butter sprinkled with sugar, Come Dine With Me, and unfortunately for me one night, her family.

When I was at university, she came into my flat one day and sat down.  She looked me right in the eye and said flatly, “my mum’s throwing a party and you have to come.”  Obviously, I was confused.  It turned out that her mum and stepdad were hosting a Grease VS The Sound of Music themed party, and fancy dress was compulsory.  Natalie couldn’t get out of it, and as misery loves company, she was bringing a crowd.  I agreed to go, but if I’d known what lay ahead I would’ve stayed home with the telly and some sugary bread!

It’s a known fact that drinking alcohol can cause memory lapses, but there’s a whole load of factors to consider:  How much and how often a person drinks, how old they are, and their gender, to name but a few.  Back then, I was a frequently drinking, 19 year-old male (two of those facts are still true), and I honestly thought I could drink and drink with no ill effects ever.  However, various studies have shown that alcohol impairs the brain’s ability to take short-term memories and experiences, and transfer them to long-term memory.

The party was good … at least, that’s what I’m told.  I’m not writing about this party from memory of course, this has all been recounted back to me by my girlfriend who came with us.  Apparently Natalie’s dad answered the door dressed as a nun holding a roll-up and a tin of special brew (talk about a bad habit!).  I’m also told an aunt in a wheelchair came dressed as the actual car from Grease, which put my T-Bird costume to total shame.

To my shame, I managed to throw up all over a brand new futon, before making my escape the next morning.  Maybe it wasn’t unfortunate for me that Natalie introduced me to their family.  It was certainly worse for them.  At least I don’t remember it!